Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I could fuck to npr.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Randomize
