420 ftw
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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