I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Randomize
