I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I have already put on my inside pants.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
My orgasm happened in two different decades
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
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