I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
