her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
