half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
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