What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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