They should really pass out barf bags in church
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
don't judge my taste in strippers
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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