There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
