Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
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