if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
this is an emotional support booty call
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
