hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Randomize
