ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
