please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
