I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Is it penis luge time yet?
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Randomize
