sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
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