he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
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