Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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