You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
