I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
