If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Randomize
