her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
