you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
