and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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