He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
worst night to have a conscience
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
The uberlube is also flammable
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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