the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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