people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I forget how to act sober
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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