she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
