every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
