doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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