What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize