I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
