Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
