Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
