get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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