look no pants
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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