Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
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