One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
