Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
