Kiss
Puke
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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