I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
