So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
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why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
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I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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