90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
