I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
