Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
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