my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
