Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I pour the whiskey from now on
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
