it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
