I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
