Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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