I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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