Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
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he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
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