she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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