VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
How does one acquire holy water?
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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