Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
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