So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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