just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
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