i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
