Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
