So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I forget how to act sober
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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