She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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