At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
