is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
