He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
