Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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