my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
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