birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
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