We won't sleep together?
I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
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Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
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debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
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