Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Randomize
