PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Randomize
