Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
