My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
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