His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
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