I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
