Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Buhtt sex?
I skipped work to stalk him.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Randomize
