I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
