I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
We need to get me chipped asap
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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