dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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