my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
