So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
